Dear Younger Me

I learned about missions at an Assembly of God Church in Nairobi. The Church was led by missionaries sent from the USA, who served in Kenya for many years. While attending that church, I became a born-again believer. They also sent out local missionaries to other parts of the country, and I got to interact with some of them. I remember thinking that their lives were complex, and on top of that, nothing about their appearance made mission work appealing.

Because God has a sense of humour, I ended up in missions. One very convincing missionary came to Nairobi, preaching reverse mission. It concerns the movement of missionaries from non-Western countries (the global south), particularly in Africa, Latin America, and Asia, to developed countries (the global north). It is a reversal of the historical trend in which missionaries left Europe and the Americas to evangelise the colonial and Third World. He urges the African church to get out of its comfort zone and go to the end of the earth to share the love of Christ in places where Christianity is on the decline. That caught my attention. I agreed to go for a global mission and ended up in Papua New Guinea, not quite the destination I was hoping for. Who can twist the arm of God? Not me, certainly.

Lessons

1. Praying and studying God’s Word was the top priority. God guided me through the Word and strengthened me through prayer.
2. God equips - I have learned a great deal during my time in Papua New Guinea. At the top of the list is this: God does not send the equipped but rather equips those He sends. I was so naïve, with the best of intentions - to make literacy materials available to all. But I had a steep learning curve.
3. Trusting God - God’s Word and His past faithfulness became an anchor for me during my mission season because it was only by trusting in God that I was able to manage the organisation through great and challenging times.
4. Fear of failure - I was raised to do the best and excel at what I am focused on, but I often felt incapacitated with fear most of the time because I feared that I would fail! God used this opportunity to remind me that failure is part of life, which is why I needed to depend entirely on Him. Because some things went terribly wrong did not make me a failure but made me a bit wiser. I read somewhere that when God sends us, He has already accounted for everything, including our foolishness.
5. Loneliness - Because I struggled to fit in and adjust, I felt lonely. When I was finally able to make friends, most were not meaningful. Thankfully, I ended up with a handful of amazing friends who made my time count.
6. Anxiety - This was an unwelcome companion until the very end, mainly due to the tough events that occurred during that time. I was so convinced that drama was queuing up every turn I took. When one was over, the following one checked in. I was constantly anxious and afraid. I had to solve problems daily, yet some solutions turned out terrible, and I had to live with them.
7. Enjoy the moments - I learned this the hard way, but once I caught the drift, I revelled in every good moment, accepted last-minute invites, and just lived.
8. Downplay bad stuff - Bad things happen all the time, but it is especially tough when you are far from family and friends. Downplaying does not imply ignoring situations; instead, it means not dwelling on them.

Encouragement

1. God never left my side. Even when I felt abandoned by Him some days, He was always there.
2. Seeing the work of my hands appreciated by the community was a better reward for all that went with managing the mission.
3. God’s work done God’s way brings contentment and joy. There are such high moments that lead to praising God.
4. God always sends helpers and ministering angels to make the work and the stay pleasant.
5. Sometimes failure is what we need to know how not to do something. I failed at so many things, but they taught me just as much.

What I wish I knew before stepping out

1. Expectations and reality are worlds apart! My expectations were shattered time and time again, but I absolutely refused to lower them. In hindsight, I should have been flexible.
2. The honeymoon phase wears out so fast, it's like a bullet train.
3. Just because I was now ‘working for the LORD’, life was going to be a little easier. Oh dear!
4. That I would attract more haters than friends. This is a shocker! I am still coming to terms with it.
5. My mission wasn’t just to the local people, but to the expat community as well. I had cultural clashes every so often.
6. It is ok to have fun. I recalled the boring-looking missionaries I had seen and felt I needed to be like them to be a real missionary, including how I dressed.
7. Unrealised dreams or lack of tangible impact in the mission is a likely possibility, but that does not mean God was not working in the lives of the people or my own.
8. Financial support does not always come when it is needed, but by God’s grace, the little that came through stretched far.

I found strength in God's Word because, as mentioned earlier, there was no breakthrough without God’s Word and prayer. I had to share my prayer needs vulnerably with others.  The to-go-to passages that sustained me included: Job 23:10; Job 42:2; Psalms 25:1-3; Isaiah 41:10; Isaiah 43:2; Isaiah 58:11; Micah 7:8; John 16:33; Romans 8:28-30; James 1:2-4.

For anyone deciding whether to go to a mission field, one critical question to ask before taking the next step is: Did God call you, or did you call yourself? Depending on how you answer this, you will know which way to go.